Sooo, happy (late) Pride Month!
It’s time to yap about queerness.
It takes multiple internal battles and some external battles (with my family and friends, omg the supposed-to-be-closest people) to finally be able to partly accept who I am, how I look, and what I do.
Growing up in a small city where being straight was the norm, very few people expressed their queerness, and had crushes on boys, I never really had a doubt and never had to struggle with my sexuality. And then my first relationship with a girl confused me more than ever. Yes, that panic, avoidant, questioning phase was terrible for any youngsters who don’t have a supportive circle. It takes me years to become comfortable with being queer and being not ashamed of who I am (ridiculous right? being ashamed of myself while not doing anything wrong, just having feelings with someone with the same gender).
And what happened in all those years? Multiple questions inside my head. Mixed feelings. Dumb relationship choices. Fights with mom when she said unkind things about gay people. Mustering up the courage to tell her and then got ignored completely like “it was just a phase, let’s wait until it passed”. Broken trust when a close friend told me to “pick only a gender”. Learning how to ignore people’s comments on some non-feminine hair and clothing choices that I really enjoy. Ignorant jokes about gay people from coworkers that of course, ain’t funny at all. Observing queer people get discriminated, abused, bullied, beaten, and even killed. Seeing couples wanting to get married but gay marriage ain’t in the laws.
All those little things help me build up this armor which I think keeps me safe most of the time, but still, can be broken anytime by an unkind thing someone said, an inconsiderate joke, or a mean mock. Buuuut, at the moment, I think I’m comfortable and proud than ever of who I am. It’s truly liberating to finally come to this phase.
That’s why it’s so important for queer people to find that pride in themselves. It’s pride for the battles they have to face their whole life to be able to love and accept themselves, to live within a society where they’re unwelcomed (and in some places, even illegal to exist), to love and be loved while not being protected by the laws (which is basic human rights).