I have to admit, I don’t like my 2024 at all.
This year marked a big change in my career. I’ve experienced what people call a quarter-life crisis (I guess, and not sure if it’s gone). I finally decided to ditch what I was doing for another path, which I was too afraid to take.
During that crisis, a talk with a coworker about people switching roles to refresh themselves and having practical jobs that are essential to the society but not highly praised like doctors or teachers was so comforting for me. The talk was short, but gave me the courage to do things differently and not being too afraid of changes. I thought as long as I still have the ability to learn and move, I’ll be fine.
I finally moved my blog to another platform, Quartz. And I’ve been testing things out with building a digital garden. I love the idea, but it’s a taxing process and I’m not sure if I can maintain it in the long run. Anyway, learning more about coding and tweaking how a site looks have been fun. And I’m happy I don’t have to pay too much to maintain a personal blog.
Of course, as an amateur in coding, there have been frustrating times when I don’t know what to do and why things go wrong. But the Quartz community is full of people willing to help. (I still wish I could have more coding knowledge though, so I don’t have to wait for someone to come with answers, lol.)
I started to be more disciplined about going to the gym. And I took up boxing and Muay Thai. I had to adjust my routine to fit in time for working out, work, chores, learning, and socialization. I can’t say it’s a success tho, it’s always a compromise. Some close friends settle down, so we barely have time to hang out. I now have more me time, but feel lost and solitary sometimes. What the hell am I doing here?
Even though I’ve been working out more and way more conscious about my diet, I’ve been through the worst breakout that didn’t even come during my teenage years. It just happened and it shoved the latter half of 2024 of mine down the drain. Weekly appointments with the doctors, facial treatments, daily meds — they destroyed my confidence, finances, and social life.
I stopped seeing friends and acquaintances, and made excuses to avoid hangouts. And I noticed some relationships were drifting apart. Was it my fault to crawl back into my shell, or was it my friends that never really cared how I was? I tried not to be bitter, as life is busy and there’s only that much care we have to give.
I considered this health crisis is my body (or the universe) sending me signals and warnings that I need to take better care of myself, and in a way that suits me most.
I met some old friends that I haven’t seen for years. It was the joy and the nostalgia that come along when you see someone from the old days again. They’ve changed for the better, but the traits that remind me of the school years where everyone was so care-free are still there. All we cared about was the next exams, the crushes, and the hangouts.
But, amidst the nostalgia, I witnessed some lingering sadness and the feeling of lost. I wondered who these people are, and I started to compare the present with the past. They used to be like this. It used to be like that. Why did everything change? I suddenly feel like I’m a stranger standing among the crowds.
Despite those sad thoughts, I’m so grateful there are still people sticking around. I cherish their presence so much, yet I’m still doubtful for the changes that life may bring. We can be so happy and getting along well today, but life could drive us apart gradually, maybe without us even noticing. Maybe we would eventually care about different things, to the point where we barely have anything to talk about. But maybe that’s what we need to learn to accept.
For now, I’ll just ask “how’s your day?” when I can.
I have to admit I’m not the best at keeping relationships. But this year, I’ve moved on from the ones that don’t give me that sense of a secure base. I’m very stubborn and I have the tendency to hold on. I like the idea of forgiving and working on the bond rather than ditching it because it’s just easier to stop trying. So to be able to fully move on, it’s a big struggle and I’m proud of myself for that. Maybe I need to be with people that aren’t for me, so I can establish those boundaries for myself.
My emotions and mental health were unstable for a while, so to find back that stability, I’ve hung out alone more often. As a homebody, it’s more comforting to just bed rot. But now I don’t think I need to wait for someone’s company to start enjoying life. I started incorporating personal Saturdays into my life, when I do things that make me feel good. Usually it’s working out, visiting a new café to read and write, eating at a new restaurant, or learning something new.
As a creature of habit, it’s easy to feel like my life is so boring compared to people who are always visiting new places, meeting new people, and doing cool activities. I’m trying to remind myself that I can be repetitive, and what truly matters is if I really enjoy something.
My relationship with reading and writing is always on and off. The cycle of binge-reading authors I like and then falling into long reading slumps. The cycle of writing my heart out and having no words to put down. It seems like I enjoy the idea of reading and writing, but I’m constantly distracted and exhausted to be fully immersed in the acts themselves. But that makes me feel like my soul is draining. I don’t know why and how I can make it better. So I carve time out for books and writing on my Saturday mornings at different cafés to read and write, in the hope that new atmospheres will give me sparks again.
So far, 2024 has been not very kind to me. But it’s taught me valuable lessons about self-care, boundaries, and the courage to make changes. I’ve learned to enjoy my own company, pursue new interests, and accept that relationships and life itself are constantly evolving.
Let’s see what 2025 will bring.